To Be Or Not To Be

I KNOW THIS IS LATE SORRY

"To be or not to be? That is the question" is a famous line from William Shakespeare's longest play, Hamlet. By this line, Hamlet ponders on whether he should live or not. He has been living a deeply sorrowful life, however powerful he is as Prince of Denmark. His father had passed and he suspects his own uncle who was then, King of Denmark to be his father's murderer. Hamlet has been leaping in and out of sanity just trying to figure out if his suspicions brought on by his father's ghost were true. Hamlet develops his argument of 'to be or not to be' by thinking whether it is more noble to just endure and suffer life and be passive in the face of this sadness and suffering or to actively look to end that suffering. This famous quote can be applied in my life as a CavSci student.

Being a student is back-breaking work. Being a CavSci student is body-breaking work and hey wait, it doesn't just break the body but it wears out the mind, the emotions and for me, the spirit. During the many moments I am alone with myself, I tend to think about school. What's the point? Will this all be worth it? I tend to think about my situation from another's eyes. I see the horror in my former schoolmates' eyes whenever I tell them, "Oh I'm sorry, I can't hang out with you today because I have about 83926 projects to do for school." When I'm doing work, I don't really see how much I'm actually doing and how unnatural a pace I'm working at. Once I am done with all my schoolwork, I think "wow, I can't believe I did all that" or rather, "wow I can't believe I let them let me do all that."

Did you know that the anxiety levels of an average high school student nowadays are equal to the anxiety levels of a mental hospital patient in the 1800's? By olden day standards, I'm actually supposed to be in a straitjacket rocking back and forth in the padded walls of a ward. For three years now, this is what I've been doing: I've been waking up at the ungodly hour of 4 AM to make the half hour long drive to my school every day. I've been sent back from the long, 10 hours straight of studying just to come home to, surprise, more work. And then, it's a weekend. I am relieved, whew, that was a long week of school I am so glad I finally get to relax. But no, that's all in my head. Surprise. More work. It's the same routine year after year. I don't think much of it when I'm actually in my routine but when I do actually have time to myself, I break down what I'm doing and I think, "I can't believe I'm used to hard labor like this."

Now that my negative ranting about school is over, let's apply 'to be or not to be.' Honestly, at the first week of well, freshman year, I felt like quitting already. I told myself I couldn't do it, it was ridiculous; all the work they're making us do. It was crazy, absolutely crazy. But I had to push on. I had to for my parents who worked hard for me to be in the school. So I didn't give up and I ended up having pretty decent grades. Not that I had the option to give up anyway.